The world is full of givers and takers. As animals, consumers, we are all really takers, but in society there is an emotional/spiritual give and take which all of us take part in by interacting with one another. No one is fully a giver or a taker. We all fall somewhere on the spectrum.
I listen to what people have to say, share what I have, and have provided emotional support for so many people. But, lately, it has come to my attention that it isn't helping me to give to people who never or rarely give back. It isn't about stuff; it's about the stuff of the mind. I may be a "giver", but like everyone else, I have needs.
By being there for people who really don't care about me as a person, I make myself a doormat, let others think that's okay, and only contribute to their self-centeredness. By being there for people who don't have anything to give back I let them suck out all of my energy and become a shrivelled skin of a once vibrant being, leaving nothing-- no happiness-- for myself. This stifles my growth, is distracting, is a waste of my time, fills me with negative energy (listening to anyone's emotional trash does that), and makes it impossible for me to make firm decisions in my life. I don't do what I want to do: I listen to tons of shit patiently and become uncomfortable.
So, I'm giving that up. The difficult part in such a resolution is that people EXPECT for me to be their emotional barf bag. FUCK THAT. I'm at a place in my life where I can reasonably deal with my own depression and anxiety, so I, for a few weeks now, can see through the clouds of emotional chaos.
I see an end to this shit in sight.
I may have to be harsh and brutally honest. I may have to be uncomfortable in being brutally honest, but what is this? Uncomfortable. Nauseating.
I am a person. Being a human person does not give me any entitlement to anything of this Earth. But at a more micro-level, on the level of people and the Hive, I'm no longer going to give of myself to those who don't see any value/importance in me as a sentient being, and who don't appreciate it, and who only have negativity to doll out (which is not really giving, but taking: my peace of mind) but nothing positive to give back.
Here comes Karma, and I won't stand in Her way.
