tsunamis and earthquakes

vomit.Reply to allForwardReply by chatFilter messages like thisPrintAdd to Contacts listDelete this messageReport phishingReport not phishingShow originalShow in fixed width fontShow in variable width fontMessage text garbled?Why is this spam/nonspam?ME to Matt show details 9:43 AM (5 minutes ago) Reply
Hey there... I have some time, so I thought I'd write you to let you know what is going on with me. I was really, really fucking sick last week. Like, I thought I was dying. Seriously. I'm worried that there might be something wrong with me health wise, because for the past year I have had some of the strangest exhaustion and these really wierd recurring liver pains. And then, the other day, it seemed like a cloud just moved in and right now I am intensely depressed. I don't really know how to explain it. I thought about suicide a few days ago, not in a "waah, I'm just going to kill myself" sort of way, but in a logical way, like, just being really honest with myself about the whole world situation that currently exists. It just seems pretty futile to keep flailing around trying to battle the world, humanity, and the man all at once. I'm not getting anywhere, and honestly, I don't know how much longer I can deal with the knowledge that I have gained in the past 6 months. You know, about how homocentrism (which is, human-centered lifestyles, ideals, and thoughts) is pretty much inevitably going to destroy everything. I don't know how much longer I can sit around and watch all of my friends breed and waste space, with no real intention of doing anything other than that. I don't know if I can continue procrastinating on realizing that my entire family is brainwashed and I feel like I am the only person left in existence that is really pursuing knowledge. I don't know how much longer. I've never really valued human existence or my own existence that much; even when I was a kid, suicide was at the back of my mind at all times. I'm not trying to throw a pity party here or anything, because I don't think it is a pity. I sort of wish that everyone would just forget my existence so that it could end, because dealing with this entire burden is really starting to weigh on me. If only an asteroid would just hit this sick sorry world and put humanity out of its misery and let the rest regenerate itself back to homeostasis. That's about it. That is what is going on with me. Just 3 days left until school is over and I am searching for some kind of way to motivate myself to finish it. As far as that goes also, what the fuck else is there to do? Sit around and smoke pot all day and expect the rest of the world to pick up the slack or go and have a mess of kids. Fuck that. I don't even know why I am writing this to you, so I'll just go now. Hope you're doing well. Keep on keepin on.