Crunch

The first few days here were really depressing. I had expectations of people. I had preconceived ideas in my head about what my "friends" here were doing and becoming, probably because I've watched myself change over the past months and I thought the changes they were undergoing would parellel my own. But sadly enough, I forgot one factor: Fort Wayne is a black hole. Not that it's an excuse for the stagnation and pretensiousness that all of these people have let themselves fall into. Drug addiction, lack of motivation... not that I should have expected them to be different. I could see it coming all along, and I avoided coming here for months because of it. I think next time, I'll just come to see my mom and forget those people that I once called "friends". It just doesn't seem to be worth it anymore. Ugh. But the bright side is that I have the rest of the summer to do what I want to do. I made a list the other day, which I'll continue adding to:

-sew a pouch for the stones and shells I've collected
-start a rough outline and sketches for my homocentrism project
-finish the last picture in my sketchbook
-finish this picture on watercolor paper that I started
-start learning how to identify birds and trees
-finish The Wild Trees
-read The Third Chimpanzee
-volunteer somewhere in B-town to plant trees
-Lothlorian in a few weeks
-go somewhere random on the train or Greyhound

And I keep thinking about this film, and dreaming up new ideas that I want to learn about before the Big Crunch.

-The core of mans' spirit comes from new experiences.
-Rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness… give me truth.

Edit: Maybe I should not have used the wording "all of these people" but, instead, should have said, "Some of these people." Sorry for any annoyance/confusion/sadness that may have caused you (Carl).