Meaningless is:
- End of the half gallon of ice cream,
- Complaining about the weather when it’s cold, staying in when it’s warm,
- And people commenting that you have no TV, that your view is a
- Neutral painted wall with nail holes where pictures used to hang.
- Staring at a blank Word document all day, writing nothing, then
- Falling asleep at 3 pm and waking up 12 hours later to no messages, realizing you didn’t miss anything anyway.
- Buying a $65 concert ticket, $10 parking, $50 beer & t-shirt for a band that, it turns out, sounds exactly the same live as on the CD,
- Forgetting the paragraph you just read in a “classic” because your foot itched,
- Asking questions at church,
- Going to the grocery store without a list and leaving with $100 worth of clearance-aisle holiday trinkets,
- Saying goodbye in a sobbing mess, meaning it forever, then seeing the person the next day,
- Forgetting what Plan A was because you knew it would never happen anyway, and
- Being relegated to a lifetime of Plan C’s,
- Having no reason to get out of bed,
- Having no reason at all.
A child comes soon. A fetus that should have been yours, but goes to another purely based upon a set of circumstances that you could not control no matter how hard you tried or gave. Was your love real or just lust for something that you thought you could have but never quite got from other males?
ReplyDelete*Not having a TV is a good thing*
http://pumpkins-pond.blogspot.com/2013/08/let-holes-burn-on-your-heart.html
ReplyDeleteNo such thing as "should have". It was a choice made in genuine love for something greater than, but including, myself.
Muffin sweetheart.. When you woke up and looked at your text..did it tell you how many times I thought if you? Did it tell you the prayers I said for you?
ReplyDeleteWho needs a fetus when the whole world is your fetus? Its hard to imagine another being inside you when you can already feel the energy of everyone around you and the only recourse is to try to close yourself away to try to cope...which only produces a lonkiness like only few understand. We who are alike can be the mothers and fetuses of each other to comfort and soothe each other in a world that doesn't know it's ready for us and does not understand us. <3
ReplyDelete