It's amazing how the tiny little inhibitions can quickly turn into my basis of decision making. The scabs have been torn back open, despite taking it with a grain of salt. I really do know what unconditional love is now.
I feel very lost right now. I just don't know what to do with my life. I know that I do not need to have everything figured out, but I do need a goal. I don't think just waking up is a big enough goal.
My options are:
Stay here in Fort Wayne, go to college, room up with Sarah and Small Hobbit.
Work to save up enough money to live in Boston, live with Michael, maybe go to college, depending on if I have enough time in the day after working to make rent and trying to maintain a relationship with him.
Move to South Bend, go to IUSB or something like it, get to know my dad.
Save up money here, not much, find someone here in town or the whereabouts to travel with, and be a drifter.
This is what happens to people when they don't have a rolemodel. If I could meet someone who was 25 years old and genuinely happy, interested in art, and remembers what it was like--I would take their advice. I really just want some guidance. All of these things seem possible to me, they all seem like they could harness my happiness, and I could learn a great deal from any of them.
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