My crew manager Andrew let us off 4 hours early today, but instead of actually going home we had to endure his lame attempts at trying to make us feel sorry for him the entire time. We rode around in the van while he pretty much told us the inside scoop on Erie Construction's canvassing team. He says they're going to shut down the whole thing, because our sales suck in comparison to the Ohio and Michigan teams. I don't understand why he is so paranoid about it, and at the same time, he claims to be able to write 20 leads per day and is just not trying. The thought crossed my mind about paying him to give me the leads and sign them, but I realized that it's probably more sensible to just go out and find another "filler" job. Time is running out, and I hate always being the new guy, but in a few months it won't even matter.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I'm trying to decide what the hell does matter. It seems to me that I've been brainwashed into thinking that as long as you don't have kids before you're 25 and you go to college, your life will be easy. Is that true? I think not. If college really doesn't matter in the Grand Scheme of things, what is the point? I already know what it is. I have been trying to get this point over to Andrew for 2 weeks now. I want to go to college to learn so I can get better at art, my passion, my favorite thing. He seems to think that I will be unhappy in my decisions no matter what if I don't follow Jesus and bow to the cross. It just irritates the piss out of me. Can people really be that ignorant? He's 32 years old, and knows less about the world than an 18 year old little girl. People seem to think that the actual God is really that dogmatic. Do they really think that the actual God gives a flying shit whether I believe in something that is completely corrupt and was meant to (maybe) teach some very evil people a lesson hundreds of years ago?

Even if Jesus is the son of God, lets say: Would the real God understand if now, in the 21st century when all of Jesus's followers (or roughly 60%, I'd say) are inundated with their BS "You're goin' to hell, Faggot",(we) people choose not to believe that they are a reflection of a real God? I'd say that if God wants to damn me to hell eternally for not believing, and in fact despising, in this bullshit...I didn't want any part of that God anyway.