the animals scream

Everything is a blur. It all seems so unreal, but not frightening. What is the word? I stayed up until 6 am, after Jeff gave me an amazing massage that felt like waves in the ocean rinsing away all of the bad energy and tension. It was a full-body massage, and as he moved onto each new section of my body it felt like it was being cleaned. All of the quirks and inconsistencies in my muscles flattened out and I really feel like... I don't know. Just so much closer to... I don't know, I just really don't exist and it's somewhat strange. It's like I just don't fucking care. Indifferent. I know I do, but the volume has been turned down, all except for the droning of this computer and the cricket right outside my window. I rearranged my room so that the energy flows throughout it more evenly. I closed the portal. It was bringing such bad energy into this room, but I'll probably just end up opening it again when I project. My eye sockets are searing.
We sat in some parking lot the other night, and I touched on a new layer of spirituality. I saw his life source. His moon. And it was pallid periwinkle fading into bleach white. Jagged around the edges. I could see the inconsistencies in it, just as he could feel in the massage. There were a lot of tiny ones that needed smoothed out, but 2 major ones that I could tell would take a lot of work to heal. Two holes in his soul. I'm not kidding. 3 others that were noticably different from the texture of his moon, and the tiny spaces. Those 3 didn't really worry me though. There was a line going straight through the middle not quite to the end. A line parallel to it for only a second in the center of the moon.

I've had 2 dreams in the past few days that seem to stick out in memory. In one, I could see someone's soul, and it was someone I know in life. It was an old man, and we combined-- spiritually, that is. In the other dream, I has a bunch of animals: a snake, a tiny yet fullgrown cat and dog, 2 weirdo fish, and a bird. All of the animals were dying, I remember that. They were all really sick, ecspecially the fish, so I called up my friend Dannie Davis to ask if he wanted them because I knew he liked snakes. The next scene, I was in a car and there was a crowd of people that were angry about my proposition to Dannie, for some reason.


In my next astral projection there will be a chair. I just looked over and there is a chair in my room, in the corner and that corner looks like it might be penetrable through projection. I drew pictures with white charcoal on black watercolor paper of projection, and in one there just happens to be a green stickly chair. The figure is bent over seeming to be focusing or crying and there is another figure ascending out of her. Spins. The alligator spins illustrated, I think, are necessary to my cause.